DEAR ABBY: ; Harsh words might be result of stroke

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago my father-in-law suffered a stroke.He is now able to live by himself, but my husband, "Frank," and Ideliver his meals, handle his finances and take him to his doctor'sappointments. My dilemma is that my father-in-law treats me betterthan he does Frank. It hurts Frank's feelings to hear his father saynasty things and accuse him of not helping. Frank is an only child,and he does everything for his father.

I promised Frank I would not say anything to his father about howunkind he is, but it gets harder every day to keep my mouth shut.

Frank and I are extremely close, and I can't stand to see himhurt. Should I stay out of it like I promised, or should I get moreinvolved?

Angry Daughter-in-law

DEAR ANGRY: Start by confidentially asking your father-in-law'sdoctor if the stroke affected the part of his brain that regulatespersonality, behavior and mood. If your father-in-law treated Frankmore kindly before the stroke, his agitation may be the result ofthe illness.

Depression is common in stroke victims, and is treatable throughmedication, psychotherapy and behavior modification.

If your father-in-law has any insight into his abusive behavior,it can be adjusted. If not, your husband, through counseling, mustlearn behavioral strategies so he can avoid "triggering" anemotional outburst from his father.

For more information, contact the National Stroke Association,9707 E. Easter Lane, Englewood, CO 80112-3747. The telephone numberis 1-800-STROKES (1-800-787-6537), and online: www.stroke.org.

DEAR ABBY: When is it proper to use a preprinted mailing label?Over the past year I have received thank-you notes, holiday cardsand wedding invitations with mass-produced mailing labels stuck onthe envelopes.

Whatever happened to handwritten names and addresses? Am Iexpecting too much? I feel as if the sender is rushed andungrateful.

Unglued

Massachusetts

DEAR UNGLUED: While it is still considered proper to hand-address personal correspondence such as invitations and thank-younotes, people are so rushed these days that it is often moreconvenient to use printed labels. (Also, they are more legible.)

Ask yourself what is more important, the envelope or itscontents?

DEAR ABBY: I read with interest the columns you printed about theimportance of health-care professionals washing their hands. Butwhat about food handlers?

Whenever I am at deli counters, I have had to ask the workers toplease change their gloves. They leave the work area, open doors, gofrom bloody roast beef to cheese displays, then pleasantly ask, "MayI help you?"

I have repeatedly requested that supermarket managers dosomething about it. Nothing gets done. It's disgusting.

Frustrated

Bryantville, Mass.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: The employees you mentioned may not havereceived proper training; perhaps you would see some results if youcomplained to the county health department. If there isn't aregulation against this, there should be.